Oh, You Have Opinions About Disabled People?

Lately, I’ve met a lot of individuals with opinions about disabled folks. What makes these opinions so special to me as a disabled person, is that they come from not disabled people. I cherish that knowledgeable feedback, truly. Everyone wants to be an ‘ally’ lately, fighting the good fight and righting the wrongs of oppression and injustice. From their phone keyboard.

Lately I’ve been rolling my eyes so hard I swear I see my deteriorating brain stem.

Can we talk a bit about how social media has somehow convinced so many people that they’re experts in absolutely everything?

It’s also great these same people think everyone needs to hear their incredibly expert opinion. No need to worry about a lack of background, research, education, or lived experience to support those thoughts and opinions! What a time to be alive.

There’s also a whole crew of online social justice warriors who feel entitled to speak on behalf of entire groups of people they aren’t even part of. They’re performative, virtue-signalling wingnuts who don’t use their privilege to amplify the voices of marginalized communities. Instead, they drown them out with their entitlement.

So many obnoxious people, and they all have internet connections. When the internet first became a thing, I thought, “Oh great! Now everyone has a platform to express themselves and share their thoughts and ideas!”

A couple of decades later, I still think “Oh great! Now everyone has a platform to express themselves and share their thoughts and ideas!” but my tone is very different.

I find it really entertaining when someone who actually knows about something tries to share information with someone else, and the uninformed person doubles down on their ignorance because the new information is causing cognitive dissonance and doesn’t fit the narrative they’ve committed to.

The new catch phrase for this is, “Well, we have different opinions.”

Opinions are different from facts. There’s been a meteoric rise in the number of folks who feel that facts are feelings, or that their belief in alternative facts makes their statements just as valid as those of actual experts. I’ve seen people politely corrected on verifiable, scientifically or historically proven facts. The corrected person replies, “I’m entitled to my opinion.”

Yes, you are. You’re also entitled to be wrong, I guess.

Unless you have lived experience with something, I don’t want to hear your passionate opinions about how you think people in a situation you’ve never experienced should react or feel. When someone with a different experience tells me something, I try to listen. To do otherwise is disrespectful, condescending, and just plain obnoxious. Several months ago, I witnessed a Black man sharing his experience as a Black man in America. A white guy said, “Nah, that’s not how it is.”

I did neuro rehab at Synaptic, as many of you know.

They recently posted about a fundraiser they’re doing to raise awareness and money for National Accessibility week.

One of their physiotherapists will spend a day in a wheelchair, accompanied by someone who is reliant on a wheelchair. They’ll document their experiences and the challenges they encounter because SPOILER ALERT: the world isn’t that accessible to disabled people. You just don’t realize it until you’re suddenly not able-bodied anymore.

I saw the original post and I thought it was a cool idea. I wished that I had some money to pledge because it was only after I became suddenly and permanently disabled a year and a half ago that I realized how inaccessible much of our world is.

When I had a properly working body, I just figured there was all sorts of accommodations for disabled people. I saw wheelchair ramps lots of places.

I really had no idea and sadly, lessons have been learned.

I’ve seen a wheelchair ramp beyond a high, straight-angled curb that one had to somehow get over to access the ramp to be able to enter the building. Who designed that? I bet not a wheelchair user.

I have trouble stepping over high doorway thresholds, something an able-bodied person doesn’t even need to think about. Poorly constructed stairs that aren’t level are really dangerous for me. I feel personally attacked by loose or wobbly railings.

Some places have thick rugs, trip hazards etc.  Some public places have doors that won’t easily accommodate a wheelchair going through them.

An accessibility advocate (who’s also paraplegic) made a good point in that same thread: There’s a big difference between accessibility requirements that check government boxes, and actually being properly accessible to those of us with disabilities and mobility challenges.

If you haven’t lived the experience of needing a wheelchair or other mobility aids, you can’t understand how challenging it is to even leave your house as a disabled person. When I have to leave my house, that’s the only thing I can do that day because it’s exhausting. If I need to go to the store, or the doctor or any type of appointment, there’s a good chance I won’t be able to prepare dinner or do any household chores afterwards. I’ll come home and likely need to sleep.

We recently had a heat wave with temperatures above 30C, which rendered me essentially immobile.

Unfortunately, I had to leave the house to go for an MRI in the city. I was reliant on a wheelchair because I couldn’t move under my own power and I was too disabled to use a cane.

Occasionally, I’m “disabled lite.” Sometimes I am “disabled AF.”  That day, I was grateful that I was going to a very accessible hospital with trained medical staff as opposed to going grocery shopping. My husband and I had lots of help, but I was fully dependent on other people to move me. I needed people to get me in and out of the MRI machine.  I even needed help getting undressed and putting the hospital gown on, then changing back into my clothes afterwards.

It’s soooooooo fun being disabled! #blessed #livingmybestlife

You know what else is fun about being in a wheelchair? That someone can just come up and start taking you somewhere and you can’t really do a damn thing to stop them. (FYI, if you’re going to move someone in a wheelchair, you should get their consent before you just come up behind them and put your hands on their chair. What’s wrong with you people?)

Just to be clear: I’m not the poster child for living well with disability, handling my changed circumstances with a whole lot of philosophical zen and grace. 

I’m more like, an angry advocate.

Having disability sucks.  It’s truly the worst thing that ever happened to me, and I’ve had some incredibly shitty things happen to me in my lifetime.

I know hardship. I’ve experienced awful things. I’m well-versed in perseverance, determination and positive mindset.  I know all about adjusting to a new normal because I’ve done it many times, so please save the inspiring speeches because this new normal sucks.

When able bodied people feel compelled to voice their opinion about how I should feel about having disabilities and an incurable disease, I get incredibly angry. Like, it’s great you have a disabled friend who’s really positive and says it’s a blessing in disguise. That’s not my experience, so I’m not interested in a pep talk unless you have MS or a visible disability impairing your mobility and independence.

I’m really positive that having MS sucks, and so does being disabled.

It’s wonderful that your friend has adjusted in a way that works for her and is palatable for you, but I’m not there and I wouldn’t hold out hope that I’ll get there anytime soon. (You can read more about how it’s not my job to make people feel more comfortable about my disabilities here.)

After the post from Synaptic about the fundraiser and the purpose of it, the trolls came out to dog-pile. After a heat wave and several people who don’t pick up on the fact that I like to be left alone, I got really fed up. If I need help I’ll ask for it. I have neuro deficits at 41 but I’m not stupid nor a child. I’m also pretty sick of people acting like jerks, treating entire groups of people as ‘less than’,

Personally, before I pop off about something online, I like to take a moment to pause and examine my knee-jerk reactions. I might just scroll on by without engaging, but if I decide to engage, I like to find out more about the original poster and see if there’s context I’m missing. Just because we have high-speed internet and we can offer an instantaneous reaction, doesn’t mean we should. (That’s called being a grown up with critical thinking skills.) I also like to do a little investigation into the commenters, too. Are they credible? Do they have valid perspective? Are they a real person?

I immediately dismissed the account with no profile picture, no posts, no followers, and zero following. Back under your bridge, troll.

I watched videos of the other commenters running, walking, working out, etc. Didn’t see any wheelchair usage on any of their profiles. These folks had the audacity (ablecity?) to accuse Synaptic of being ableist.

Oh, you have a disabled friend? Alright then, carry on explaining what the community should find offensive.

What made me snap my few remaining crayons was the woman who stated that the fundraiser was perpetuating the stigma that wheelchairs or mobility aids are limiting.

Ummmmm….

They are. Having to rely on them sucks. You know what’s even more liberating than mobility aids and wheelchairs?

Being able to move freely and safely under your own power.

If that’s not an option, more people understanding the challenges of disability so spaces become safer and more inclusive is a decent consolation prize, which is the whole damn point of the fundraising campaign.

There’s some ableist fuckery going on around here, but it’s not from Synaptic.

My other favourite was something to the effect of, “Oh, so I have to spend time in a wheelchair to be able to have a valid opinion about it?”

Ummmmm….

Yes, you self-important muppet.

I’ve got no problem with differing opinions and respectful discourse. Everyone has different perspectives and views the world through their own lens. Disability advocates, Synaptic clients, and wheelchair users politely entered the conversation to offer their perspectives. Most of the negative commenters seemed committed to escalating and promoting conflict about a topic that most of them don’t seem to have direct, personal knowledge of.

You know the types I’m talking about. They’re never helping or contributing, but they want to complain and criticize those who are, despite not having all the information. More importantly, they don’t want more information because damn it, they have an opinion and they’re going to share it. They’re great at pointing out perceived problems but have no suggestions for solutions or better ways to approach said problem.

I no longer have the time nor brain stem for those people.

I laughed out loud at a comment accusing the clinic of depriving someone of a wheelchair ‘just to cosplay.’ I immediately imagined someone from Synaptic (I won’t name names, but I switched characters a few times in my head and was highly amused each time) sprinting up to a wheelchair user, dumping them out of it, then running off with the empty wheelchair, cackling gleefully.

If you aren’t disabled, or you don’t use a wheelchair, please stfu calling out a NEURO REHAB/PHYSIOTHERAPY clinic whose entire existence is devoted to advocacy and empowerment for disabled persons.

Maybe read the whole post before you make an asinine comment. Or visit the website that’s conveniently linked for people to find more information. Maybe work on your reading comprehension. Perhaps take a moment to digest the other perspectives and opinions offered, instead of being so focused on what you’re going to type for your next comeback that you miss an opportunity to consider something different from your current beliefs. Maybe just keep scrolling and stfu because not everything needs your feedback?

If we don’t know, it’s good to acknowledge that we don’t know.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s better to ask questions instead of going on the attack and acting like a jerk about things we don’t understand. “Can you tell me more about this? How does this benefit people in wheelchairs?” is a better way to engage in dialogue instead of attacking someone right out of the gate like you’ve been appointed the spokesperson and saviour of the disabled community.

I’m sure there are disabled folks offended by the premise of the fundraiser. There are disabled folks who aren’t. Nobody has the right to tell any of those people that their opinion is wrong, because their opinion comes from lived experience. I’m completely uninterested why someone who doesn’t use a wheelchair or suffer mobility challenges is offended. I just don’t care.

I’d be really interested to hear why some wheelchair users find it offensive, even though there was no one on the thread who identified themselves as a wheelchair user on the ‘offended’ side.

I’m not a permanent or frequent wheelchair user, so I’m sure there are many things I’m unaware of and haven’t even considered because it’s not my lived experience.

There wasn’t any thoughtful or articulate explanations as to why the fundraiser was offensive. There were a lot of social justice buzzwords like ‘ableist’ and even a comparison to blackface, without a rational argument to support those statements.

Hey Keeley-Dunning-Kennedi-Kruger-Madisssen, I know all the buzzwords too. If I use one, I’m actually able to articulate why I think it’s appropriate to the situation. Otherwise, we’re just throwing catchphrases around to make ourselves look and feel good about being an ‘ally’ without actually understanding the problem or moving towards meaningful change.

I think this applies to all sort of things. White people need to listen when BIPOC share their experiences and perspectives. Able-bodied people need to listen when disabled people share their experiences and perspectives. Non-women people need to listen when women people share their experiences and perspectives. Stop tone policing. Quit assuming. Stop dismissing other people’s experiences because they’re different than yours and you don’t fully understand.

Stop being dicks.

Arrogantly assuming you know and understand someone’s experience when it’s not your lived experience isn’t allyship. Imposing your thoughts and feelings through your own lens to the exclusion of other perspectives, isn’t allyship. Running your mouth about a trending social issue while ignoring those directly impacted by that issue, isn’t allyship. Making something all about you when you’re ‘advocating’ for a marginalized group, isn’t allyship.

When in doubt, I wish more people would STFU and try listening. If we want to be true allies and good humans, learning is easier with an open mind and a closed mouth.