I Said What I Said & I’m Not Sorry

I’ve spent a lot of time in life being sorry for the feelings of others.

I was sorry if I offended anyone. I was really sorry if I let anyone down. Someone mad at me would send me into an anxiety storm. Don’t even get me started on what I’d feel if I thought someone was going to stop being my friend.

Nowadays, I’m not sorry for much except how much time and energy I wasted being sorry for things that aren’t my responsibility.

Other people, and their feelings, aren’t my responsibility.

I don’t generally pop off without thinking. I’m also not much of a ‘lasher-outer.’ If I said it, I meant it. If you’re triggered by something I said that had nothing to do with you, that’s not my responsibility.

I’m not in charge of anyone’s feelings or interpretation of my blog, my opinions, or anything else.

It’s a little stunning to me, how many people thought my blog about herd stupidity was about them. They’re really mad about it. There were even threats of violence, which made me roll my eyes so hard they nearly fell out of my head.

All the people convinced that post was specifically aimed at them are wrong of course, but Beta Version Stephani would have been nauseated with anxiety that people were mad at me anyway.

Today’s Stephani finds it slightly interesting that some people think it’s about them, which makes me wonder just a tiny bit what they’re up to that they’d think that, but mostly I don’t give a sh*t.

If someone feels attacked by my blog, that’s a ‘them problem’ to figure out.

Shortly after the ‘your blog is totally about me’ drama, I expressed support for a local bar that refused entry to someone who refused to wear a mask. Yes, they claimed they had a ‘valid’ reason for not wearing one and I disagree that their reason is valid. If you “can’t” wear a mask, then you shouldn’t go to a bar during a pandemic. I mean, seriously.

It wasn’t long before I was dog-piled on by three women (all friends, of course). They called me names and hurled insults with the caps lock on.

A quick visit to their profiles confirmed everything I’d suspected, but I digress…

I actually laughed and said, “Bless your hearts.”

There wasn’t even a chance I was going to get sucked in to their classless and baseless personal attacks. There was no anger on my side. I was polite, but stood by my opinion. I have the condition they were claiming is a mask exemption, plus a medical background and education ergo I stand by my words. Wear a mask, or don’t go to the bar. (There’s also a mandatory mask bylaw in effect.)

These wackadoo Trump supporters tried to bully me online for about five hours. Throughout, I was delighted to realize that I wasn’t emotionally invested.

I looked really hard for one, but I found not a single f*ck!

A year ago, a stranger calling me names on the internet would trigger a panic attack. I would have probably thrown up a few times and been unable to sleep for a couple days. Partly, my nervous system viewed any aggression, conflict, or confrontation as a potential life-threat because for a long time, it was.

Now, I realize so many things.

Firstly, any human being that needs to attack another online with ‘yelling’ and insults and name-calling is an unintelligent, classless loser. If you’re arguing or debating and you have to resort to name-calling and ad hominem attacks, your argument is weak and you aren’t winning.

Secondly, I said what I said and I’m not sorry. It was interesting, from a psychology perspective, that the first woman went on a full-blown attack and seemed to expect that I would curl into a ball and change my opinion based on a few hurled insults. Sorry to burst your bully bubble, but…

Sweetie, I was diagnosed with cPTSD. (By medical professionals and experts, not a meme that resonated on Facebook.) I’ve survived a whole lot worse crap than you insulting me on a social media app.

Then her friends came to the party, and then the original lady came back to inform me that she ‘raged’ at me because she’s so fed up with the lack of compassion and kindness in society.

Makes perfect sense.

I laughed and clarified that she went on an unprovoked attack, calling me names because she’s outraged at the lack of kindness and compassion in society? (Yup!)

Still laughing, I blocked her and her friends. I suppose it wasn’t that funny, but the hypocrisy and delusion of what they were posting was just something that I didn’t want to devote any more energy to, because it’s beneath me. Internet trolls are a waste of my intellect and I refuse to spend anymore of my life arguing with stupid or crazy.

The most ridiculous part was that they seriously had no idea how ridiculous they sounded.

One of them said, “If this virus scares you so much, YOU wear a mask and stay home!”

Lady, I literally just said that’s what I do. Try to keep up.

Some people just want to fight for the sake of fighting because it fills some sad little need in them. I’ve known my fair share of people who are so insecure, the only temporary fix they can come up with is to attack others. Those behaviours are all about them.

My blog is all about me.

The fact that my nervous system is pretty good now at separating things into ‘relevant’ and ‘irrelevant’ is fantastic. Hard won, definitely. And it turns out, most people and situations are irrelevant to my personal existence.

There are some people who just don’t like me anymore.

I’m not sorry about it.

Over the last year, I’ve learned that there were a few people in my life who only liked me when I had something to offer them. When I always agreed with them or stroked their egos, or was their cheerleader or the problem solver.

There’s nothing wrong with most of that, I’m wildly supportive of my friends.

But when people are losing their minds because I have an opinion? Especially an opinion about something I have some experience with or education in that differs from theirs? When it seems like people only liked me when I was blowing smoke, and now that I have an opinion or some boundaries or I’m saying no for the first time ever, they’re all mad and hating my guts?

As James Fell would say, “Die mad about it then.”

I know who my people are.

I’m starting to get a pretty good handle on who I am, without cPTSD driving every behaviour, influencing every decision, or colouring every interaction.

I reassess myself all the time, and I feel just fine about my opinions, my beliefs, and my values.

I’m trying to fix my brain and rebuild my entire life so I have no time or interest in taking responsibility for the triggered feelings of others.

I’m less available to people. I’m setting boundaries and guarding my well-being by putting myself first.

Some people don’t like it, and I’m not sorry about that either.