For three years, I’ve felt a certain way whenever I had to leave my house and I recently realized it was shame. I felt a lot of shame about being disabled and needing a cane. Partly, it’s how society treats disabled people as less than, inconvenient, or somehow deficient as human beings. Partly, it was …
It happened like they always said. I did drugs and then I dropped out of university. I couldn’t be happier! (Grab a snack and strap in, it’s a long post. There’s also strong language and some potential triggers re: suicide) Last year, the fall semester was challenging. I hated one of my profs because they’re …
In a couple weeks, it’ll be the three year anniversary of my brain breaking. A few weeks after that, I turn 43. I was really excited to enter my forties. Big surprise, something I looked forward to was once again just a kick to the face from the Universe. So far? My forties have sucked. …
For most of my life, I’ve spent a lot of time waiting for a special occasion. Feeling worthy of self-care or a little self-indulgence didn’t happen very often, so that was a special occasion too. I’m sure it’s from way back when I was homeless and hungry. Even once we weren’t homeless anymore, my useless …
This month, I had my first Ocrevus infusion, had a birthday, and got my second infusion. Now I’ve had my loading doses, I’m good for six months before I go spend another day at the infusion clinic Suck it, B cells. The highlights: The pharmacist who prepared the infusions checked in afterwards to see how …
This post is a brain dump. By recapping the last couple years and some things I learned, I’m hoping to clarify for myself what finally got me to this splendid place. Something definitely clicked a little while ago. I definitely critically examined every deeply rooted belief I could think of over the last 25 months. …
When I was young, I was marinated in radical self-reliance. I added radical self-improvement for quite a long time, and now I’m done with that too. It’s time for radical self-acceptance. I’ve been in therapy most of my life, because reasons. I’ve done a lot of hard work to process a lot of hard things. …
I start immunosuppression next week. Do I love the idea of suppressing my immune system during a pandemic? Nope. (And we are still in a pandemic, just to be clear.) I also don’t love the idea of my overzealous immune system snacking on my brain and spinal cord. Like I told someone the other day, …
I’m about to show my overzealous and melodramatic immune system who’s boss. I also had a medication adjustment and I’m feeling much more like myself for the first time in ages. There are, of course, days when I’m not feeling great and my demeanour is a bit more subdued. Mostly though, it’s been great to …
Six months ago, I started a new medication to hopefully prevent new lesions in my brain and spinal cord. In that six months, I’ve gained almost thirty pounds. I’m frequently nauseated, dry heaving, pukey, and enjoying random and sudden bouts of explosive diarrhea. I’m nervous to eat, yet I still managed to get fat. I …
