Hope is my least favourite feeling. People are starting to ask me if I’m excited about starting neuro rehab with the PONS device in a couple weeks. I don’t feel like explaining my complicated emotional landscape to them. I know they mean well, but I’m not going to an all-inclusive resort for a vacation. Some …
My disease and disability in not a moral failing. It’s not because I’m a bad person or I made a stupid decision like drunk driving, or I didn’t know how to be healthy. See below for evidence. I was fit, active, and healthy. Until I wasn’t. I have a disease and it’s left me disabled. …
In the past year and a bit, I lost everything but I found what matters. For all the bad, there’s been a lot of good too. Emotionally and mentally, I feel better than I have in a really long time. The upside of getting sick and then the arrival of Covid? I finally felt like …
Last year, I didn’t just lose my ability to walk unassisted, all my money, my ability to work, and my faith in people. I lost myself too, and I didn’t even realize until recently. Someone I hadn’t seen in quite awhile saw me recently with my cane. I could tell my cane upset them. When …
At the end of July, I signed up for the Ring of Kerry virtual challenge, because I’m crazy. My very existence now is a challenge, so why not add a little something extra? The virtual Ring of Kerry challenge is 124 miles (200km) either walking, running, or cycling. I can’t walk more than a mile …
The last several days have given me a couple of kicks to the face, and every night I dream about running. It’s a bit weird, because I never loved running. I was a decent sprinter and I did a few 5ks but I hated every moment of it. I did it for my health, not …
I’ve only started establishing boundaries in the last couple years and I’ve learned that you can learn a lot about people when you set boundaries for your self-respect and well-being. You also learn a ton about people when they don’t get what they want. In future, I’m going to set boundaries sooner as a way …
Waking up disabled last October changed a lot of things, including my mindset, which has done a complete 180. I used to be all about accomplishments. Now I’m only interested in experiences. Experiencing something feels better than accomplishing something. My entire life, I was always rushing and striving to accomplish things. I had this unconscious …
I had an appointment with my family doctor just before the weekend. She’s a rural physician, and she’s amazing. I totally trust her being in charge of my healthcare. I’m undecided about MS medication, though. I had a really long talk with her about it. I really don’t want to take the medication. The more …
Another day, another call from someone at the MS clinic, another blow to my mental health. Today for the sixth time, I had to explain to someone I’ve never met that I’m broke. I’ve lost everything. I’m bankrupt. Ruined. I was below the poverty level last year (thanks Astral Harvest, hope you enjoyed your party). …
